These Foolish Things
by addictedtononsense
Summary: One-shot. I keep trying to tell myself that he hasn't broken up with her for me. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm here to console him as a friend, but I don't know who I'm trying to fool. Yes, I'm here for that, but I'm here for so much more.


These Foolish Things

_Oh! Will you never let me be?_

_Oh! Will you never set me free?_

_The ties that bound us_

_Are still around us_

_There's no escape that I can see_

_And still those little things remain_

_That bring me happiness or pain._

_-These Foolish Things, Ella Fitzgerald.-_

I find him sitting in the library, of all places. He has a book in front of him, and his hands seem to be fidgeting with his pen, but his eyes are focused on the horizon, clearly not paying attention to his work.

I bite my lip as all my feelings stir inside of me. I don't know what I expect, I don't even know what I want, but I know I at least need to talk to him. I breathe in deeply and repeat the same words I've just heard from his best friend before heading towards him decidedly.

_He broke up with her._

He must hear me approaching him but he doesn't even flinch. I look at him waiting for him to notice me and when he doesn't turn around I end up sitting next to him.

My head is a mess of thoughts. I keep trying to tell myself that he hasn't broken up with her for me. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm here to console him as a friend, but I don't know who I'm trying to fool. Yes, I'm here for that, but I'm here for so much more.

As I wait for him to acknowledge me my mind wanders back to another time, back when it was him and me against the world. We used to be invincible. With him by my side, I didn't need anything else. I never doubted his love for me.

Then everything went wrong. Everything fell apart and it was my fault. It seems like forever ago but I still feel pain remembering how much I hurt him.

I don't know why I still have hope. I poured my heart to him when he started dating her, and he rejected me. So why do I still feel that we have a chance?

His gaze finally falls on mine and I give him a sympathetic half smile.

"So I guess you've heard then." His eyes look sad and I have to stop myself from caressing his cheek like I used to when we were together.

"I've heard." I say back. I don't know if he imagines who's told me, but I guess he'll find out eventually. "How are you?" It's a dumb question and I know it before I even say it but it's the only question I imagine us starting this conversation with.

"Oh I'm okay." I look at him disbelievingly and he gives me a half smile. "I'm not sad about the break-up if that's what you are concerned about."

"I'm concerned for you James." His smile becomes slightly larger, but it still doesn't reach his eyes.

"Well don't be. I'll be fine." I try to not be hurt by the fact that he won't open up to me and remember that our friendship has not been the same for awhile now.

"James..." I mutter, and he looks at me intensely, all signs of a smile gone.

"Lily, please, just leave me alone. I can't do this right now." Now I really can't hide the hurt in my eyes, but he still goes on. "I can't deal with you right now."

I close my eyes, telling myself to not make a big deal out of this. After all, he doesn't know how much his words kill me. He doesn't know how much I love him.

"Whatever." I try and conceal my emotions from him but I'm probably failing miserably. "I just came to see how you were doing. You're fine so I'm done."

I get up and turn around quickly before he gets a chance to see my eyes watering.

"Lily..." He tries to grab my hand but I'm faster and stride off before it's too late. I've already humiliated myself enough.

…

She walks away like she always does, with her head up high and her hips moving subtly from side to side. She's so beautiful and I'm the biggest jerk alive for letting my emotions drive her away. She just doesn't understand anything.

Meg was a great girlfriend, but I had to break up with her. She loved me with all her heart, but I couldn't love her back. Merlin knows how hard I tried. I even tricked myself into believing that I did feel something, but it was all a lie. After all, when Lily Evans gets into your heart, there is no way she's going to let it go.

After she vanished there is only one person I could go talk to.

"Padfoot, why the hell would you tell Lily about Meg and I?" My best friend looks up at me from his bed with confused eyes.

"Well Prongs, it's not like she wasn't going to find out soon enough. Who cares if I was the one who told her?" I roll my eyes at him and he stands up.

"I care. I wasn't ready to deal with her yet, and now she's mad at me." I confess.

"Well, that's no news. The day she's not mad at you, _that _will be news." Sirius grins. "What did she say?"

"Nothing." I groan. "I made her leave before she had a chance to talk."

"What?"

"Yes, I told her I couldn't deal with her right now." This time it's Sirius the one who groans.

"Prongs, mate, you know I love you, but I swear you are the dumbest dumb when it comes to that girl." He puts his arm around my neck and ruffles my hair.

"Dumbest dumb? Really?" I say as I try to unfree myself from his grasp.

"Whatever. You two love each other, that's simple enough." He has finally stopped smiling and gives me a hard stare. "Why are you not together?"

Sirius has been asking me that same question since Lily admitted to still loving me. Back then I was starting to date Meg and I told him that I didn't want to be Lily's puppet. I wanted to start something new, see where it took me. Now though, I don't know what to say. I don't even think she feels that way anymore anyways, if she ever did.

"Padfoot, I just broke up with Meg..." I start to defend myself but he doesn't let me finish.

"James, face it, you are scared." At that I lift my eyebrows and straighten up.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I'm starting to get mad at my best friend who always thinks he knows it all. "Padfoot, I don't know if you remember this, but _she broke up with me. _If she really cared for me, she wouldn't have done that. So I'm sorry for not buying it, but it's quite obvious that she was just playing with me."

"Prongs, you are such a fool." Sirius sits down on his bed again and shakes his head. "Don't you understand anything?"

"What is there to understand?" I sit opposite him defeated.

"She didn't break up with you because she didn't love you. She did love you. She still does." I'm about to butt in but he doesn't let me. "And you clearly still love her. My God, you broke up with Meg for her, you can't deny that."

"So what if that's true? What if I still love her? I won't let her..."

"Hurt you again?" I look at the ceiling, not wanting to face Sirius' look.

"Maybe." I exhale and finally look down. "Is that wrong?"

"It's not wrong, but it's not like a Griffindor."

…

"Lily, wait up!"

_Shit._

I've been trying to avoid James all day but apparently he's finally caught up with me. I don't know what he wants but he can save it for someone who cares. I'm tired of chasing after him all the time. You'd think he'd at least care for me as a friend but he can't even make the time for me for that, and after yesterday I'm not feeling very forgiving.

"Lily, please!"

I keep walking but I can hear him catching up. Damn his long legs. I try to walk faster but I can only go so quickly without actually running.

"Lily, I'm sorry about yesterday." I hear this right next to my ear and finally turn around. How did he walk so quickly? It's so unfair.

"And what exactly are you sorry for James?" I ask, because lately it seems he doesn't even know me. God, why do I still care for him? He's such an idiot.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk to you," he says simply, and I hate myself because I've already forgiven him.

"Whatever." I try to seem unmoved but he's not buying it. "What about those dozen of other times you've made it clear that I'm nothing to you?"

"Lily, you mean so much to me. You must know that." He seems hurt by my words.

"No, I don't know that. Yesterday was a clear indication of how little I mean to you in fact." I cross my arms in front of my chest waiting for the excuse I know is about to come.

"Lily, I didn't mean what I said. I was just confused." His words surprise me and I'm about to give in but there is something that doesn't make sense.

"Confused about what?" I ask.

"Confused about you."

It takes a minute for me to assimilate what he's just said.

"About me? Surely you mean about Meg." Why would he be confused about me?

"No, about you." He smiles at me kindly. Nothing is making sense right now.

"I don't think I understand what you mean James." I say honestly.

He frowns, trying to find the right words, and I wait patiently for him to clear things up for me, because I really don't understand the point he's trying to make. I don't want to think about what I want him to be saying because I know I'll be disappointed, but I can't help it. I wish his next words were _I love you Lily_ or something of that sort. Instead, he says:

"Sirius says I haven't been acting like a Griffindor lately."

"Is that supposed to make any sense?" He grabs my hand and leads me to the nearest classroom without saying anything. He closes the door and looks at me with those eyes I could melt in.

"What he means is that I've been a coward." I wait for him to continue and his next words seem to take forever. "I should have dumped Meg months ago."

…

She's looking at me like what I'm saying makes no sense and I guess that's true but everything I want to tell her keeps getting muddled in my head and ends up coming the wrong way. I want to say this right because this might be my last chance, if I even have one.

I'm probably crazy thinking that, after everything we've been through, she'll still love me, but I'm finally ready to give us another chance and I'm not going to back down now.

I watch her assimilate what I've just told her and wait for her to keep asking me questions, hoping that that way it will be easier to explain.

"Okay, so you didn't love her. What does that have to do with me?" I can see she's trying to understand and I smile because I just love that look she gets when she's confused.

"It has everything to do with you Lily. Don't you see? It's not that I didn't love her, I couldn't love her because I still loved you. I love you Lily." I'm so glad to finally say that out loud. Whatever she says doesn't matter right now. I'm free.

Her eyes opened wide at my confession and I got closer to her. I was getting ready to kiss her when she stops me.

"Wait." She looks at me with pleading eyes. "We can't keep playing this game James. It's ridiculous!"

"What do you mean?" Now I'm the one who doesn't understand. "Are you over me now?" Am I too late?

"Of course it's not that James." I look at her with hope. "But you and I dated, and it didn't work, and then you started dating Meg, and then I told you I still loved you, and then you stopped talking to me and now I don't even know where we are. Everything is just so messed up."

"Lily, just answer this simple question: Do you love me?" I ask, surely.

"I do James. I do love you." She smiles at me and I feel so thankful and at that moment right there I kiss her and she doesn't stop me this time, because she finally gets it:

We love each other, and that is much more important than any foolish mistakes we've made.

…

**Just a short one-shot I needed to get off my chest before continuing with _All I Wanted. _I hope it was of your liking. Please let me know what you think!**


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